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A Treasured Christmas Memory

A Treasured Christmas Memory









Several years ago while serving as a Bed and Breakfast hostess, I was there over the Christmas holidays as many people were coming to ski over the Christmas break in the little mountain village of Angel Fire, New Mexico. I was feeling a little lonesome and "lost" as all of my family was far far away and I was "alone". In my prayers I asked that the Christmas story come alive for me....knowing that that would make my heart feel better.

A couple of days before Christmas, a family of four came to the B&B....the father's name was Joseph, the mother's name was Mary, the 6 year old son's name was Benjamin, and the 2 year old daughter's name was Sarah. I remarked when they registered that how wonderful it was to have Mary and Joseph and a baby at Christmas. They all smiled. Later that evening when sitting in front of the fire, the mother told me that she took care of small children at their church and the father said that he felt like he herded sheep....he was a principal at a local school. I thought...'Isn't this interesting? I have a shepherd here at Christmas!'

The day before Christmas another couple came through the mountain door and the woman had the most beautiful blond curly hair. I smiled at her and said, "Oh Look....we have an Angel visiting us!" She smiled and told me that they had stopped in Santa Fe on the way up to this mountain community and her husband had bought her the necklace she had on.....a plethora of angels. She told me that that was an unusual ting for them both to purchase but felt on this trip that it would be the 'right' thing to do.

Christmas eve evening I looked out the door of the B&B and there were Elk in the yard.....and deer and even a small black bear. They all seemed to be peering in the windows.

I looked out into the night sky and above us were the brightest stars. Living that high up in the atmosphere it appeared as if the stars were right next to me. I could clearly see the North Star which has been the guiding light for many many travelers since the beginning of time.

I was truly inspired that I had Mary, Joseph, a baby, a shepherd, an Angel, animals and stars.....I felt so "honored" that the Christmas story was indeed coming alive for me.

Later that evening, a truck drove into the yard and I couldn't figure out who it could be. All of the guests had arrived that I was expecting. Out of the truck came 3 men and slowly made their way to the door. I opened the door and asked, "May I help you?"

One of them simply replied, Susie....it's I, Colby. What a treat that was for me....Colby and two of his friends from college came to visit. They came in and couldn't take their eyes off of the baby. They were so enamoured by her. So I had 3 Wise Men who came to adore the baby.

After everyone retired for the evening, I sat by the fire for a long, long time. I wondered how many times the Christmas story had evidenced itself to others....not just the original one. I wondered why I was so blessed to receive this one....and I wondered how many other times that history repeated itself.....that the Bible was a "living" testimony....not simply an historical one.

I sat quietly and slowly let the embers of the fire extinguish themselves. I felt like God had come to me and made a visit......Even though I was missing my family, I truly felt blessed.

And that was the miracle!

My Onkel Buster

My Onkel Buster

Today I'm thinking about my Uncle Buster. (Onkel = Uncle in Norwegian) I have so many fond memories of him that just tickle me.

One of my earliest is when he took me and my three brothers out for ice cream at a drive-in restaurant in his brand-new Thunderbird. This would have probably been in the late '50s. Of course with all four of us being small and some of us being rambunctious some of the ice cream spilled and oh how angry Onkel Buster got! That probably made him decide then and there not to have any kids!

Through the years he often spent Thanksgiving dinner with us or Christmas dinner. He didn't marry until much later in life so he was alone so often. I remember that it always "bothered" me that he didn't have any presents to open on Christmas. I noticed in my youth that he liked western novels so in my early teen years I gifted him a western novel each Christmas so he'd have something for his Christmas. Year after year the routine stayed the same.

One Christmas when I was in college he came over one Christmas morning with a record stereo and told my dad to give it to me. When my dad completed that task his remarks to me were, "Look like that book deal finally paid off!" Somehow it didn't matter to me.....I only wanted him to have something for Christmas.

My Onkel Buster was a World War II hero. He received the Silver Star for Valor and Bravery and many other medals for his service to his country. He served all 4 years under General Patton and rarely talked about his experiences there...but we all knew it.

He died nearly 30 years ago when he was crossing some railroad tracks and was hit by a train. It was a shock to all of us. When my dad went to clean out his mobile home, Dad looked in his safe. In there he found not stocks or bonds or monies but rather pictures of Onkel Buster with each of his girlfriends. There were many, many. Of course, my favorite was the one in that stack that was me with him when I was about a year old. It brings a smile to my face and to my heart, just to think of that.

Since he died I have had several dreams about him. Interesting enough he has always been behind some kind of barrier. One time he came to my yard but wouldn't come in it. He stood outside the fence and in his hands was a guitar. He said, "I have a present for you." I recognized it as an "Ovation" guitar but he clearly said it was an "obsession" guitar. I've thought a lot about that dream over the years and have wondered about its meaning. I've wondered about all of my obsessions" and about how much I love guitar music...playing and listening.

A few years ago I dreamt that Onkel Buster and my grandmother (his mother) were standing on the other side of a creek, smiling and waving at me. That left me with such a good feeling for a long time.

This morning in my waking dream I felt him beside me as I was sleeping. He touched my shoulder and said very clearly, "It's time for you to come now." It was so real that when I opened my eyes I looked around the room to see if he was here in my bedroom.

Now I'm wondering where is it that I'm supposed to "go to" and what is the time that dream is talking about.

Maybe my Onkel Buster will let me know.....soon!

Where There Is Despair, Hope

Where There Is Despair, Hope






I often think about Abraham Lincoln's life. More than that I wonder about it. I think about instances that I've read where he was in total despair because of all of the troops that were losing their lives, particularly the very young men. I think about my great grandpa who shook his hand after the battle of Antietam and I can only imagine the look in Lincoln's eye as he surveyed this young lad of only 14. I think about the despair he felt for the war, for the casualties on so many levels. I think about the despair he must have surely felt when he lost all of those 14 elections. I think about the despair he was noted for in the loss of his young son and his despair when his wife lost her senses. He was a man of deep despair....and for good reason!

And in spite of this he went out to the troops and gave them hope. He shook their hands and thanked them for their service. He often told his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, that things would turn out "all right". He was known to have given Ulysses Grant much hope in his government positions as Grant had little of it in his stockade. I think about the hope that he afforded our country....that he afforded slaves, that he offered to the multitudes. In his second inaugural address he attests, "With malice toward none".....offering hope for peace of mind and peace within each person's being.

He had much despair, and he brought much hope.

I've thought about the times when I have been visiting that place of despair. When i was first diagnosed with diabetes, it took me a while to get used to the idea and despair was my constant companion for a bit. When I was divorced, I lived so much in despair that I thought my life would always be that way. When my sons left to live with their dad, my despair knew no bounds. I used to walk into my apartment, close the door, and fall to the floor in tears and stay there hour after hour. But then, miraculously hope was restored each time. Each time, some one or something reminded me that all is well....that life goes on and it goes on gloriously.

I've thought about when I've noticed others in despair, how I have offered hope and kindness. I thought about hos much it has eased others' minds and helped them to "go on".

What a good thing to do, to offer hope. How important it is to each person's well being. What a good thing to do.

Where There Is Doubt, Faith

Where There Is Doubt, Faith



In thinking about doubt today, I looked at the many people sitting around me in the cafeteria and thought about what they "doubted". I thought perhaps they doubted their futures, what it might hold or not hold. I thought that perhaps they doubted the goodness of the planet, feeling the dread of wars and tragedies. I thought that perhaps they had the doubt of the Creator--if there was one, what He/She affected in their lives, and what their relationship was with him/her. Then I thought the biggest doubt would be that when people doubt themselves.

Then I thought about what I doubted. Oh boy! It occur ed to me that I have doubted myself so many many times and that I was "taken care of" by the universe....by God. I have doubted love in my life....whether I was loved and whether I could love. I thought that my life was full of many instances of doubt.

So this line of the prayer states let me sow faith. Let me encourage, convince others that they have worth, that they are worthwhile, that their future is in good hands. Let me endow myself with the peace of knowing that all is right with my world and let me be glad in it. Let me have faith and let it take the place of doubt.

That, I think, is the key. It's not that doubt and faith are a part of our lives. That is a given...but the process of changing one to the other is the element of joy in this equation. Just knowing that we CAN change.

Isn't that miraculous?

Where There Is Injury, Pardon

Where There Is Injury, Pardon

In thinking about this segment of St. Francis' prayer, I had some "awakenings" for sure!

First, I thought about how the many times I have felt 'injured' by another. Since I was very young I have had the perception that members of my family, my friends and the world at large had done things to hurt me. I thought about the times I felt like my mom and dad were cruel and heartless. I thought about the times I felt unworthy, ashamed, and 'less than' stemming from their words or their actions. I thought about my sons and how I have felt 'stricken' by some of their words and actions. I thought about some of my bosses and how I have felt 'preyed' upon by their words and actions. I thought about loves in my life and how I have felt devastated by some of their words and actions. I thought about all of the health concerns I have had for the last 40 years and how my body has felt invaded and taken advantage of.

I have felt so much the victim in sooooooooo many ways. And 58 years of feeling 'victimized' have certainly helped me understand the word of injury.

And then when I think of the word, pardon, it speaks of forgiveness. It speaks to me of letting things go. It speaks to me of NOT being a victim but rather of being victorious in my feelings and my actions. It speaks to me of peace, pure and holy peace.

THEN I thought about all the times I have injured another. My words and actions ;have sometimes been unkind and hurtful. In all my misgivings about my mother, it occur ed to me how many times I must have hurt her, disappointed her, frustrated her. I thought about the times I acted 'less than' and how it hurt my dad. I thought about the things I have done that have hurt my sons, both in word and in action. I thought about person after person after person that I have been unkind in my thinking, in my words, and in my actions.

This part was much harder than thinking about the wrongs of others. Sometimes in doing this thinking, I had to change the avenue of thought because it was still so hurtful to me in thinking about what I had done, and what I have left undone.

And then, pardon comes into the equation. Pardoning myself is such a big act. I once heard that forgiveness was in essence like feeling and acting as if no harm had ever been done. So this is quite a trip!

I wouldn't say that I've done this completely.....some self things are just hard to forgive, but I have done it in part. I realize that I am just who I am, no more and no less. I understand that I'm doing the best I can....at any given moment. I treasure the instances that I feel that forgiveness of myself and I am filled with peace, with joy, with love.

The trick, I think, is to get to that point instantaneously. To forgive others and myself the second it happens. I'm practicing that concept. I'll keep you posted on its progress!

Whenever there is injury, may I be quick to pardon.