Diddle Diddle Dumpling

Diddle Diddle Dumpling, My Son, John




My son, John, turns 30 today.....Just that thought brings back such tenderness......

He was born 7 weeks early and was so small. I remember holding him in my arm with his head in my palm and his feet at my elbow....I vowed to him at that moment that I would help him in anyway I could.

A couple of precious memories:

He used to make up all kinds of jokes. At least he thought they were jokes....most of the time Jerry and I couldn't figure them out, but he told them with such voracity and conviction that it was easy to laugh!

Once he was traveling with me to another city where we attended the wedding of a cousin. This was just a couple weeks after his dad and I divorced so my mind was kind of fuzzy after the wedding. John kept asking me questions....

"When will I go to school, Mom?"

I replied, "I don't know, son."

"When will we get home?"

I again replied, "I don't know, son."

"When will I get to see grandma?"

Once more I replied, "I don't know, son."

"When will I get to see my dog?"

Another, "I don't know, son."

He pretty well quieted down and sat in the back seat, pensive in thought.

We arrived back at the dormitory that I was managing and we went into the lobby. There were all kinds of college boys there at that moment. John went up to one of them and stated matter-of-factly. "Hi, my name is John. This is my mom and she doesn't know much."

When we was 4 he went to a day care center that my good friends ran. One day after visiting the local old-folks-home, John came home all excited. "Mom, when you get old I'm going to put you in an old folks home!"

I looked at him quizzically and questioned..."Oh you are?"

He replied very happily, "YES! They play the piano, play cards and VISIT. ALL THE THINGS YOU LIKE TO DO!"

He certainly had my best interests at hand.

At the end of one school term and he was waiting for his Dad to pick up him and his brother, He looked at me and said, "I'm gonna forget all about you."

I had to fight back the tears and said, "Well, I'm not going to forget you. I will think of you every morning, every noon and every night and often in-between." He wouldn't even kiss me goodbye. The greatest joys I have had in my life came from my sons....and my greatest sorrows. That's the nature of being a parent, I reckon'.

In the dormitory, we celebrated Halloween with the 400 residents. I dressed up and gave out candy to the trick or treaters that came to my apartment. I dressed up in a long pink gown and put a wreath of flowers in my hair. Jerry asked, "What are you, Mom?"

I replied, "What do you think I am?"

He answered, "I think you are a fairy!"

John said, "No, she is a princess and all of her dreams are going to come true."

What a wonderful son, my John is! Happy Birthday, son!

Epiphany Today

Today we celebrate "Epiphany"..... Traditionally thought of as the day the Magi visited the baby Jesus....but more than that, meaning 'appearance' or 'manifestation' intended to celebrate the "shining forth" or revelation of God in human form, to the Gentiles, in the person of Jesus. Some Christians commemorate the visitation of the Magi to the child Jesus on this day, while others use the day to commemorate the baptism of Jesus as an adult. It is also called Theophany, especially by those commemorating Christ's baptism.

Through all of this it has come to be known as the "Ah ha" day. The day when we have an extreme amount of understanding about something.

The Magi are an interesting group. They are still in existence today. Dr. Westphall, of the Vietnam Veterans National Memorial in Angel fire, New Mexico has been a member of this same sect for nearly 80 years. He truly was a "Wise Man", in accordance with those that we have known from before. As design would have it, each day on January 6, Dr. Westphall would make it to my home to have coffee and conversation with me and we always talked about things of "importance". He truly was a gift to me of the Magi.

So what is my Epiphany today? Today the form of my thinking takes on a different course. I am listening to the "Last Samurai" and it tells me that the word "samurai" means "to serve". So how am I serving today and who am I serving and what am I serving?

How I am serving today takes the form of allowing myself to be at peace and hence allowing the rest of the world to be that way also. Today I am free of past guilt's, past assumptions, past expectations, past sorrows, past hurts, and just plain old "past". This is such a better place to be. I am grateful!

Who am I serving today? I am reminded of Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol". At the end he says, "Mankind is my business." And like so many before me I choose to serve "mankind".

What am I serving today. Using the Dahli Lama's creed "My true religion is kindness." I choose to serve mankind with that edict. With kindness. Just plain ol' kindness.

So my Epiphany today is about being who I am....nothing more and nothing less. Just being the person I was created to be.

That makes me smile..... all over. :)

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Have a GREAT 2008!

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A Treasured Christmas Memory

A Treasured Christmas Memory









Several years ago while serving as a Bed and Breakfast hostess, I was there over the Christmas holidays as many people were coming to ski over the Christmas break in the little mountain village of Angel Fire, New Mexico. I was feeling a little lonesome and "lost" as all of my family was far far away and I was "alone". In my prayers I asked that the Christmas story come alive for me....knowing that that would make my heart feel better.

A couple of days before Christmas, a family of four came to the B&B....the father's name was Joseph, the mother's name was Mary, the 6 year old son's name was Benjamin, and the 2 year old daughter's name was Sarah. I remarked when they registered that how wonderful it was to have Mary and Joseph and a baby at Christmas. They all smiled. Later that evening when sitting in front of the fire, the mother told me that she took care of small children at their church and the father said that he felt like he herded sheep....he was a principal at a local school. I thought...'Isn't this interesting? I have a shepherd here at Christmas!'

The day before Christmas another couple came through the mountain door and the woman had the most beautiful blond curly hair. I smiled at her and said, "Oh Look....we have an Angel visiting us!" She smiled and told me that they had stopped in Santa Fe on the way up to this mountain community and her husband had bought her the necklace she had on.....a plethora of angels. She told me that that was an unusual ting for them both to purchase but felt on this trip that it would be the 'right' thing to do.

Christmas eve evening I looked out the door of the B&B and there were Elk in the yard.....and deer and even a small black bear. They all seemed to be peering in the windows.

I looked out into the night sky and above us were the brightest stars. Living that high up in the atmosphere it appeared as if the stars were right next to me. I could clearly see the North Star which has been the guiding light for many many travelers since the beginning of time.

I was truly inspired that I had Mary, Joseph, a baby, a shepherd, an Angel, animals and stars.....I felt so "honored" that the Christmas story was indeed coming alive for me.

Later that evening, a truck drove into the yard and I couldn't figure out who it could be. All of the guests had arrived that I was expecting. Out of the truck came 3 men and slowly made their way to the door. I opened the door and asked, "May I help you?"

One of them simply replied, Susie....it's I, Colby. What a treat that was for me....Colby and two of his friends from college came to visit. They came in and couldn't take their eyes off of the baby. They were so enamoured by her. So I had 3 Wise Men who came to adore the baby.

After everyone retired for the evening, I sat by the fire for a long, long time. I wondered how many times the Christmas story had evidenced itself to others....not just the original one. I wondered why I was so blessed to receive this one....and I wondered how many other times that history repeated itself.....that the Bible was a "living" testimony....not simply an historical one.

I sat quietly and slowly let the embers of the fire extinguish themselves. I felt like God had come to me and made a visit......Even though I was missing my family, I truly felt blessed.

And that was the miracle!

My Onkel Buster

My Onkel Buster

Today I'm thinking about my Uncle Buster. (Onkel = Uncle in Norwegian) I have so many fond memories of him that just tickle me.

One of my earliest is when he took me and my three brothers out for ice cream at a drive-in restaurant in his brand-new Thunderbird. This would have probably been in the late '50s. Of course with all four of us being small and some of us being rambunctious some of the ice cream spilled and oh how angry Onkel Buster got! That probably made him decide then and there not to have any kids!

Through the years he often spent Thanksgiving dinner with us or Christmas dinner. He didn't marry until much later in life so he was alone so often. I remember that it always "bothered" me that he didn't have any presents to open on Christmas. I noticed in my youth that he liked western novels so in my early teen years I gifted him a western novel each Christmas so he'd have something for his Christmas. Year after year the routine stayed the same.

One Christmas when I was in college he came over one Christmas morning with a record stereo and told my dad to give it to me. When my dad completed that task his remarks to me were, "Look like that book deal finally paid off!" Somehow it didn't matter to me.....I only wanted him to have something for Christmas.

My Onkel Buster was a World War II hero. He received the Silver Star for Valor and Bravery and many other medals for his service to his country. He served all 4 years under General Patton and rarely talked about his experiences there...but we all knew it.

He died nearly 30 years ago when he was crossing some railroad tracks and was hit by a train. It was a shock to all of us. When my dad went to clean out his mobile home, Dad looked in his safe. In there he found not stocks or bonds or monies but rather pictures of Onkel Buster with each of his girlfriends. There were many, many. Of course, my favorite was the one in that stack that was me with him when I was about a year old. It brings a smile to my face and to my heart, just to think of that.

Since he died I have had several dreams about him. Interesting enough he has always been behind some kind of barrier. One time he came to my yard but wouldn't come in it. He stood outside the fence and in his hands was a guitar. He said, "I have a present for you." I recognized it as an "Ovation" guitar but he clearly said it was an "obsession" guitar. I've thought a lot about that dream over the years and have wondered about its meaning. I've wondered about all of my obsessions" and about how much I love guitar music...playing and listening.

A few years ago I dreamt that Onkel Buster and my grandmother (his mother) were standing on the other side of a creek, smiling and waving at me. That left me with such a good feeling for a long time.

This morning in my waking dream I felt him beside me as I was sleeping. He touched my shoulder and said very clearly, "It's time for you to come now." It was so real that when I opened my eyes I looked around the room to see if he was here in my bedroom.

Now I'm wondering where is it that I'm supposed to "go to" and what is the time that dream is talking about.

Maybe my Onkel Buster will let me know.....soon!

Where There Is Despair, Hope

Where There Is Despair, Hope






I often think about Abraham Lincoln's life. More than that I wonder about it. I think about instances that I've read where he was in total despair because of all of the troops that were losing their lives, particularly the very young men. I think about my great grandpa who shook his hand after the battle of Antietam and I can only imagine the look in Lincoln's eye as he surveyed this young lad of only 14. I think about the despair he felt for the war, for the casualties on so many levels. I think about the despair he must have surely felt when he lost all of those 14 elections. I think about the despair he was noted for in the loss of his young son and his despair when his wife lost her senses. He was a man of deep despair....and for good reason!

And in spite of this he went out to the troops and gave them hope. He shook their hands and thanked them for their service. He often told his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, that things would turn out "all right". He was known to have given Ulysses Grant much hope in his government positions as Grant had little of it in his stockade. I think about the hope that he afforded our country....that he afforded slaves, that he offered to the multitudes. In his second inaugural address he attests, "With malice toward none".....offering hope for peace of mind and peace within each person's being.

He had much despair, and he brought much hope.

I've thought about the times when I have been visiting that place of despair. When i was first diagnosed with diabetes, it took me a while to get used to the idea and despair was my constant companion for a bit. When I was divorced, I lived so much in despair that I thought my life would always be that way. When my sons left to live with their dad, my despair knew no bounds. I used to walk into my apartment, close the door, and fall to the floor in tears and stay there hour after hour. But then, miraculously hope was restored each time. Each time, some one or something reminded me that all is well....that life goes on and it goes on gloriously.

I've thought about when I've noticed others in despair, how I have offered hope and kindness. I thought about hos much it has eased others' minds and helped them to "go on".

What a good thing to do, to offer hope. How important it is to each person's well being. What a good thing to do.